


Will Is Not the Sorcerer

by YellowAndVeritablyBonaFide



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Good Morgana (Merlin), M/M, Magic Reveal, Merlin has a panic attack, Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), Protective Gwen, Protective Morgana, angry arthur, arthur calls Merlin a monster, fluff at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-24 19:09:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21104543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YellowAndVeritablyBonaFide/pseuds/YellowAndVeritablyBonaFide
Summary: On the way back to Camelot after Will died, Merlin is quiet but not for the reason anyone expects.In a fit of rage, Merlin blurts the truth and Arthur flips out.Is a monster ever not a monster?





	Will Is Not the Sorcerer

* * *

Magic: revealed

Relationship: unestablished

• • •

"You knew he was a sorcerer. That's what you were going to tell me." Arthur says, staring into the fire. The memorial for Will.

"I..." Merlin ducks his head in shame. Will saved his arse yet again and he couldn't even save him. A surge of strength arises as he looks into the fire. "Arthur, I was the one—"

Arthur cuts him off, seemingly without meaning to but carries on, "Sorcery is dangerous. You should have told me sooner."

He walks away, leaving Merlin feeling so shit about himself. Essentially, Arthur just said that Merlin is dangerous. That he's monstrous. That he's unloveable. And Merlin stares further into the fire and ponders why he ever thought Arthur would ever want to be with him. Who can love a monster?

Merlin has just dished out food for the small group of four. They sit on logs opposite each other with the fire in between them. Merlin is sitting with Morgana, trying any way to be as far from Arthur as possible. It's dark and their bedrolls are already set up for the night. Arthur's amour is off, settled next to his bags that are with the sleeping horses.

"Are you alright, Merlin?" Morgana asks, only care in her voice. "You haven't said a word all day." She moves so they're sitting shoulder to shoulder.

It's true. He's not said a word - keeping his horse in the back and ignoring every conversation the other's were having. He didn't even retort to Arthur's jabs. Arthur only got more and more concerned as time went on but put it down to grief over Will.

"Yeah, I'm okay." Merlin mumbles. He leans into her a bit in a search for comfort. Arthur wishes he forced Merlin to move when he sat next to the woman. He should be the one reassuring the boy.

Morgana put her arm around Merlin and lets him lean into her further. "Losing Will must be really hard." She sympathises.

"Even if he was a sorcerer." Arthur quips before he can stop himself.

Merlin's eyes snap up to him in a flash of blazing anger. "He wasn't the sorcerer." He says with a hard voice.

"Then who was it?" Arthur asks, playing along with the little game Merlin's obviously playing.

Morgana digs her fingers into Merlin's arm lightly as a scold before he says anything stupid. She can practically feel his magic coursing through him and becoming fiercer; as if it throbs through his muscles. "Merlin, don't." She whispers in his ear in an aggressive manner. She's known about his magic for a while; she sees him in her dreams.

"I'm the sorcerer." He states. His food long forgotten on the ground next to his feet.

Arthur laughs. It's not a chuckle, it's a full-on 'you're so full of shit' laugh. "Okay then, ‘_sorcerer_’," Arthur air quotes. "Show us something." He meets Merlin's gaze with a funny look. Merlin can tell that behind the front of immaturity is a man saying 'please tell me it's not true'.

Merlin leans away from Morgana who desperately tries to pull him back. "Morgana, it's okay. This is something I have to do."

She keeps a hold of his wrist still, securing him in place. "Please, you don't have to do this." She whisper-yells at him.

Merlin looks her in the eyes and tries to convey the need he feels. It's now or never. She screws her lips together and grinds her teeth but eventually lets go of his wrist, throwing it back to him.

He leans forward to pick up a stick from the bottom of the fire. It's embers fall like dust to the ground. "_Drakõn_." He says and blows on it towards the fire.

The dragon flies to the fire and flips gracefully. The fire blazes higher as the beast loops around it once before dissolving into it. The fire dies back down to reveal Arthur's set jaw and furious eyes.

"I cannot believe this," Arthur says lowly. His gaze draws to Merlin frame. He's shaking, trembling with fear. The anger he had felt that gave him the bravery is long gone. His eyes are red and puffy. But through the red haze taking over Arthur, he can't see how much Merlin is breaking. "You've lied to me. For how long? This whole time? That's so fucking long, you dickhead! And in Camelot? Did you want to infiltrate the castle walls to kill the king, huh? So you're kind can leave me parentless?" He sneers in anger.

"No! No, I—" Merlin gets cut off almost immediately.

"No!" Arthur bellows. In all of his time, Merlin has never heard someone shout so loudly. The tree branches shake with the force, some birds flying out to find a safer place. "You betrayed Camelot. You betrayed me."

"I protect you!" Merlin cries out. He grips the rough bark of the log he’s sitting on until his fingers start bleeding. "All I do is protect you! I swear!" Tears blur his vision and he can't really tell what Arthur is thinking.

Arthur stands, full of outrage, and heads towards where Merlin is sat. Gwen leaps out of her seat to stand in front of the shaking boy. Morgana does the same - giving him a protective wall to hide behind.

He jabs a finger towards Merlin. "I can't believe I ever loved you!" He cries in anguish, trying to meet Merlin's eyes from behind the makeshift wall. He drops his hand to rake it through his hair in frustration.

Everyone looks at him in shock. The girls obviously knew about his feelings but now that he's acting like a brute it slipped their minds. Merlin looks up with tears slipping down his face.

"Come on. Do you think I would come all the way to Ealdor for just my servant? Of course, I fucking loved him." Arthur snaps.

"Why does magic get in the way of that? I love you." Merlin looks up at him in hope.

Arthur looks down at him imperiously, "You know fucking why." He snaps in a dangerously low tone. "Magic hurts people... Like it hurt me. We could have had a future together."

"We still can!" Merlin jumps up from his seat but stays behind the girls. "I love you. Please. Magic doesn't have to change anything!"

"But it does." Arthur says, almost sorrowfully. "Get out of my way." Arthur demands to the girls, hand on the hilt of his sword. "I have to teach this monster a lesson."

And that's what hits Merlin in the gut. _Monster_. Straight from the horse's mouth. He folds at the waist, holding his middle, and falls back on the log. A sob tears through him. He tries to hold it in, but it really is his buzz word. He can't breathe. He's either going to die by Arthur's hand or his own panic. He starts hyperventilating. The women turn to him in horror and concern.

"W—what's that? What's he doing?" Arthur is caught. Then red is being extinguished by blue. The blue of Merlin's eyes. He can barely think, he just wants to lunge for him and take him into his arms.

"He's panicking, you ass!" Morgana cries. "I don't know what to do! Gwen?" She kneels in front of Merlin and takes his hands in hers. "Breathe. You're okay."

Merlin shakes his head, not believing a word she says. Gwen sits next to him on the log and places a hand on his back to try and ground him. Arthur just stands there useless.

"Breathe with me," Gwen tells him, trying to lean him upright. He doesn't take the bait. "Morgana, can you help me sit him up?"

Arthur steps forward with his hands outstretched, ready to help. Merlin flinches harshly. "Arthur, you've done enough." Morgana snaps. "Go sit back down."

Arthur looks at Merlin. Sadness washes over him. Merlin can't be evil. He's _Merlin_. Happy, funny, selfless Merlin.He sits down on the log opposite the sorcerer. In theory, if he was trying to hurt Camelot, telling him wouldn't be a good plan. Nor would being a snarky little shit. And why would he wait to attack? He's had a lot of opportunities. But, this is Merlin. He doesn't have an evil bone in his body. He watches as the girls deal with Merlin with a worried gaze.

He's in love with Merlin. He always has been. Never in his life had anyone dared to insult him to his face. And then for Merlin to do it constantly even though he knows who he is. Incredible. And he'd only fallen further in love with the boy when he learned more of his quirks. His utter clumsiness; he can't go a day without another bruise from walking into a door or something. And how protective Merlin is over him. He knows that Merlin would give his life for him without a second's thought.

He looks up at the boy who has calmed down but is still crying. The girls are sitting either side of him, whispering to him. Arthur carefully stands. He approaches the little group but stops when Morgana glares at him.

"Please?" He asks with a begging look. He only wants to touch Merlin, let him know that he's there.

Morgan's continues glaring at him, "No." And she goes back to rubbing Merlin's back and muttering things in his ear.

It takes a while for Merlin to stop crying. He looks for Arthur but doesn't see him. "Where's Arthur?" He asks in a panicky tone as he looks around frantically.

Gwen turns to him from where she was fiddling with the fire. "He's gone to sit by the river. "She watches him carefully as he stands up from the log and heads towards the river. "Are you going to see him?" She asks warily.

Merlin smiles in appreciation of her concern. "I'll be fine."

He makes his way through the trees and carefully sidesteps down the hill to the riverside. Arthur is sat on a flat rock big enough for two people as though he was expecting it to be needed. He doesn't turn around but Merlin sees how he tenses.

"I get it, y'know?" Merlin says, letting his arm touch Arthur's as he sits down. "I'm a monster. Everyone thinks so, even if they won't say it."

Arthur looks at him. "You're not a monster." He says assertively. He watches as Merlin simply looks ahead of him at the river. It glistens in the moonlight. "I didn't mean it. I was angry."

Merlin sighs, "I am. It's okay. I'm a warlock. That's not human. I'm a monster." He curls over himself, pulling his knees to his chest.

"You're not a monster. You're not scary and you're the most human person I have ever met." Arthur says, thinking of the days when his nanny read him stories about valiant princes killing beasts. She never told him that he could be the monster. "No, you're not a monster. Not now. Not ever."

Merlin smiles slightly, "When is a monster not a monster?"

"When you love it too much to care." Arthur states. His hand fumbles in the darkness, trying to find the warlock's hand. He finds it and holds it firmly.

"I'm sorry." They say in unison. "You—," They try again.

"You go," Merlin says, still not confident that saying what he needs to say will not bring him to tears.

Arthur nods in thanks. "You shouldn't be sorry. I understand. If you'd told me at the start, I would have told my father."

Merlin nods in agreement. He knows that. And then the closer and closer they got, the more he wanted to tell him. But he was worried that they weren't as close as they thought.

"I think I'm going to go back to Ealdor." Merlin says.

Arthur turns to him abruptly, "You can't! Please. Stay with me. I love you."

Merlin smiles, "I couldn't do that to you. I've fucked up everything."

"No," Arthur growls, sudden emotion overcoming him. "You are coming back to Camelot. I don't care if I have to trap you in the dungeons, you're not leaving me."

Merlin looks at their entwined hands, "You'd have to lie to your dad. I can't ask you to do that." He gives a regretful smile and unlinks their hands. He goes to stand up but Arthur pulls him back down.

"I've been lying about being straight my entire life. Hiding your magic can't be any different." Arthur explains, wrapping an arm around Merlin and pulling him into his chest. "I'm really sorry about how I reacted. I really didn't handle it well and I'm not sure I'll ever be able to forgive myself."

"Then I'll have to forgive you twice as much." Merlin smiles and hugs Arthur's side.

Arthur uses his first finger and thumb to take Merlin's chin and tilt it towards his lips. He leans down to press his lips to Merlin's. Merlin brings his hand up to Arthur's face to keep him in place.

Arthur pulls away so their noses touch, "I love you." He's looking so intently into Merlin's eyes that there is no room for question.

Merlin smiles and brushes their lips together, "I love you, too."

Arthur smiles and kisses Merlin again. "We should head back. Wouldn't want the girls to be attacked while we're gone." He gets up from the rock and offers Merlin a hand.

"Did you not see them back at Ealdor? I think they can handle themselves." Merlin laughs, taking Arthur's hand and hoisting himself up.

Arthur smiles, slinking his arm around Merlin's waist. They make their way back to camp.


End file.
